Client or Friend? Where do you draw the line?

I’ve worked with hundreds of clients since 2009, and naturally, I’ve had to reflect on this question:

How close is too close?

How intimate should we allow our clients to be with us? At what point is it wise to set boundaries?

As a soulpreneur, a heart-based service provider, you care deeply for your clients. Real connection is part of the magic. Yet we must also protect our own energy, and the integrity of our work.

I look forward to your thoughts about this. Here are some ways I’ve navigated the issue:

1. Client time vs friend time

Compared to most service providers, I feel that I’m relatively strict with my boundaries around time, energy, and money.

I have clients whom I dearly love as people — if they’re ever in my town, I would insist on taking them out for lunch or dinner! I really want to spend that personal time with them.

However, when it comes to my programs or services, they pay the same price as everyone else.

My personal time, offered freely as a friend, is separate from my professional time — which is the container for the work they hired me to do. I only have a limited amount of time to serve clients. We all have constraints we need to respect.

If a client wants to talk about things outside our work’s scope, I treat it as I would a request from any friend. I check in with myself: do I have the capacity for this right now? Sometimes the answer is yes. Other times, it’s a kind, “I’m really tired this week, but perhaps we can connect later.” You always have the right to negotiate your personal time.

During our friend time, if the conversation steers back toward the service I provide, I gently guide it back to its proper container. I’ll say something like, “If you don’t mind, let’s keep talking about this topic in one of our client sessions” (and then gently change the topic back to personal things.)

Pay attention to your own body. When resentment, or even the possibility of resentment, starts to creep in, respect that signal. That is your mind-body system suggesting that a boundary is in danger of being crossed.

If you struggle to find the right words, ask Ai — “I need to set a boundary with a client. [Describe the situation.] How might I say it gracefully?” Then, tell the Ai what you like about its response, and perhaps ask for another version. You’ll end up with a very socially-appropriate response :)

Maintaining these boundaries has been a key reason my business continues to thrive, allowing me to preserve the joyful productivity that is so important to me.

2. Personal sharing

The other side of the coin is qualitative… how much should you share?

For example, my service is business coaching. If a client begins to delve deeply into their personal relationships, I don’t want to go there — not because I don’t care, but because it’s not the service I’m equipped to provide. I might say, “That sounds like a really tough situation. I don’t think I can give you advice about that right now. Let’s bring it back to what I can best help with.”

In terms of my own sharing, I am very private on social media. In group calls, I might share a small personal detail as an icebreaker, but I keep the focus on the work at hand.

The key is to notice your own feelings, without judgment. When do you start feeling a bit too attached? It’s a learning experience that helps you decide if a dynamic feels healthy and sustainable.

3. ‘Special’ deals & exceptions

Sometimes a client will ask for a special arrangement — a different payment plan or meeting schedule. You might feel that because you’re close to them, you should make an exception.

I’ve found it helpful to separate the feeling of closeness from the business decision. The real question isn’t “How close are we?” but “Do I want to make custom deals in my business?”

When my business was smaller, I was willing to make more exceptions. As my business has grown, I’ve learned that simplicity is essential. Today, I rarely make custom deals — not because I don’t care, but because a clear and consistent structure allows me to serve everyone more sustainably.

This is a business model choice, not a reflection of your relationship with any single client.

4. As a client myself…

I’m currently learning Spanish using a service called iTalki. I really enjoy working with one of my tutors.

When my wife and I recently visited her city in Mexico, we asked if we could take her to dinner. She said yes, and we had a wonderful time. Felt like friends. We ended up chatting on WhatsApp and sending funny stickers to each other.

As the client in this situation, I feel the pull of that friendship. But as a service provider myself — I am hyper-aware of the boundary. I would never take advantage of our friendship to ask for free language help. When I have a question about Spanish, I respectfully book and pay for her time.

Healthy boundaries aren’t walls that keep people out. They are the clear, respectful foundations that allow for deep, sustainable, and joyful relationships — both in our lives and in our work. They are a practice of integrity, for ourselves and for the clients we love to support.

I invite you to take a moment to consider your business relationships — with your own clients, and also your service providers. What approach feels most aligned and healthy for you?

I’m genuinely curious about your thoughts! Feel free to share them below. Your perspective will benefit others who read the comments 🙏🏼